


Another nightmare

by BloodthirstyMerc



Series: Commish cache [18]
Category: Batman: Arkham (Video Games)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bruce is kind of a dick, Consensual Underage Sex, Falling In Love, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Illegal Activities, Jason Todd Is Arkham Knight, Jaytim - Freeform, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Love, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, NSFW, Nightmares, Tim Drake is Robin, Underage - Freeform, Underage Sex, as always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-06-25 18:54:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19751743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodthirstyMerc/pseuds/BloodthirstyMerc
Summary: Tim keeps having the same nightmare about Jason and it's leading to problems.Jason might have a solution. And even if it doesn't help the nightmares, Tim's not going to turn him down.{{Another commish. A continuation to 'My Robin'.}}





	Another nightmare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xamuletx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xamuletx/gifts).



> [Here is part one to this.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17118671)

Tim jolts awake with a gasp. His body lunges upright, fists twisting tightly in the quilt over his body as he yanks it away from him on impulse. His shoulders shake, body shudders as he tries to inhale breath without choking on it. The room is pitch black and too silent that he still feels trapped in the hell of his own nightmare. Warmth against his side, a weight over his waist that shifts and a low groan and Tim’s snapping back into the present. He turns just as Jason’s lifting his head, mumbling something under his breath that Tim doesn’t understand as his eyes try and fail to flutter open.

Tim swallows thickly, feeling his heart sink. He feels bad for waking him. Jason doesn’t sleep well, spends most nights awake in a lit room in an attempt to keep the demons out of his head. So, the few times he does rest, Tim never wants to wake him. Even though relief does curl around the guilt because Jason was here, and he was okay.

Jason exhales heavily, breath hitting Tim’s arm and it’s warm and leaves his skin feeling tingly as he leans against Tim’s side, having given up on trying to open his eyes. Tim swallows again, and his heart still pounds in his chest but it doesn’t feel like it’s clawing up his throat anymore so he’s able to breathe easier.

“Hey, s’okay. You’re okay.” Jason mumbles, and his warmth is more than grounding as he presses his head against Tim’s side, doesn’t even sit up fully because it’s so late and Tim knows that Jason needs his sleep.

Tim drops back onto the bed, closing his eyes as he lets out a deep sigh. Jason’s arm moves up his waist, hand splaying across his chest as he presses himself up against Tim more and his face presses into the youngers shoulder. “I’ve got you.”

Tim’s chest tightens, feels like someone’s wringing it out like it’s a wet cloth. He lifts his hand, manages to free it from being trapped against his side by Jason’s body and carefully runs his fingers through Jason’s hair.

It’s only been a few months since Tim dragged Jason back to his safehouse after he came across him bleeding out in an alley. And it’s been seventeen days since the nightmares started. Tim isn’t sure what’s been triggering them, or _why_ he’s having them, but it’s been bad. He’s had nightmares before, of varying types, but these ones… they haunt him in his waking hours. It’s made it hard for him to sleep alone, not because he’s scared, but because he needs to know that Jason is okay. So, he almost hasn’t spent a night out of Jason’s bed as of late. Which means when they wake him, he’s been waking Jason.

Tim lets out a deep sigh and squeezes his eyes closed, his fingers tangling tighter in Jason’s hair, like he can hold him there by the grip, like it’s enough to protect him. Jason makes a low noise and his arms tighten around Tim’s body.

“I’m sorry,” Tim whispers into the darkness around them. Jason groans softly and shakes his head.

“Don’t, s’okay. Go back t’sleep,” And with how slurred his words are, Tim knows if he’s silent enough, Jason will be asleep again within a minute. So, he rolls over, settles onto his side, facing Jason and falls still and silent.

He watches the tension in Jason’s body ease out of him, like it seeps into the mattress as sleep drags him under again. Tim just looks at him, his eyes taking in all the little details of Jason’s face that he already knows. It’s harder to see them with how dark the room is, but still, Tim stares at him, allows himself to drink in the sight of the scar, the _brand_ on Jason’s face. And his chest is left aching even more than it already has been as he closes his eyes and tries to ignore the thoughts in his head.

\- - -

He’s uncomfortable, but sometimes the human mind feels the body must suffer for its lack in dopamine production. Today was one of those days. Tim had told Jason that he’d return to the manor today, but once Jason had left and Tim was packing the Robin suit into his backpack, deciding he can leave some ‘normal’ clothes here since he shows up so often, something unsettling formed in his gut. He didn’t want to go back. He’d been spending more time here, with Jason, had spent more nights in Jason’s bed over the past few months than in his own. It felt weird, considering going back to a place he felt he shouldn’t call home anymore.

So, he was sat on a footrest he didn’t expect Jason to have, that he’d pulled up to the window and was staring out of. He had his foot on it, his knee up against his chest with his chin against it. And it was uncomfortable, the position he’d chosen for himself, but he couldn’t get himself to move as he stared out at the greying sky of Gotham. It’s probably going to rain tonight.

He must have been sitting around for a lot longer than he realised because the thing that snaps him out of his dazed stupor is the sound of the front door opening. He slowly turns his head, like his gaze needs to linger on the city to make sure it doesn’t go anywhere. Jason doesn’t notice him at first, because he’s not meant to be here, as he knocks the door closed with his hip and locks it again, juggling a few bags of groceries in his arms. It was nice to see Jason seeming to want to settle into a place that was his own, rather than jumping around like he wasn’t allowed to stay in one place.

He must realise he’s not alone as he lifts his head, instantly meeting Tim’s gaze. Tim offers him a weak smile and is finally able to unfold himself and stand up.

“Need a hand?” He asks as he moves over to Jason, still trying to make his smile a little livelier.

“I thought you were going home. And uh, no thanks, I’ve got it.” He gives a nod and starts heading for the kitchen. Tim follows behind him, feeling weirdly out of place like he never has before. He was meant to leave, and even though Jason had said that he’s okay with Tim being around, he felt maybe he was overstepping.

“Sorry, I should go. I just-”

“Hey, stop it.” Jason puts the bags down on the counter and steps up to Tim, resting his hands on his arms. “I know that tone, and I know that look. I don’t mind if you stay. My only problem is that you’re staying for a reason, and it’s clearly not a good one.”

Tim sighs and averts his gaze. Jason was right of course. He’d shown a lot of himself to Jason over the past few months, and he was okay with that. Only now, Jason knew him well. He pulls Jason’s hands away from his arms and backs up to one of the stools against the counter and hops up onto it. Jason follows him to it and lightly runs the backs of his fingers over Tim’s cheek.

“Robin’s with Batman almost every night, but it feels like you don’t want to be around him.” And he sounds a little concerned. Tim sucks in a deep breath, letting it out on a heavy sigh.

“There’s no way he hasn’t noticed, I’m barely around anymore and it has to be obvious. He hasn’t said anything. He hasn’t asked, he acts like nothing has changed. And I don’t know how to talk to him about it or what will happen if I do, but I hate that he’s acting oblivious to it. So long as I show up for the mission, it’s like he doesn’t care where I go or what I do. It’s… frustrating and I don’t want to go back into a house if my existence there doesn’t matter.”

Tim runs his hands over his face and up into his hair. He keeps his head down, letting out another heavy sigh. Jason’s thumbs rub against his arms and it’s more than enough comfort to keep Tim from spiralling completely. “At least I feel like I’m wanted here.”

“You are,” Jason interjects. Tim lifts his head and his mouth pulls up just slightly. It’s only a small smile, but it’s genuine.

“Thank you.”

“I get it. Bruce… he’s not good with sharing, _anything_ , especially emotions. And it sucks.” Jason clicks his tongue and lowers his own gaze. “Sometimes you just need someone to share a space with you. And he doesn’t have time for that. Don’t feel like you need to go back there if you don’t want to. I’m not going to get sick of you or tell you to leave. I… you’re good for me.”

And it’s a lot to admit. Jason’s been getting better at that and Tim’s done a lot of good since he became Robin, but none of it compares to the feeling he gets from knowing that he’s helping Jason. In his books, that’s what matters the most about being anyone who dares call themselves a hero. Making a difference to someone, that’s the important thing.

Tim lifts his hands and cups Jason’s cheeks, framing his face between his palms. Jason covers Tim’s hand with one of his own, the other finding his hip as he steps into his space. Tim’s smile softens, and it’s not as weak or forced anymore and he pulls Jason in, tilting his head back a little as they kiss. It’s soft, it’s sweet and it barely lingers, but it’s more than enough.

“Thank you, Jason. You’re good for me too.”

“It’s nice to know I’m good for something.”

Tim rolls his eyes as Jason gives a soft chuckle. He grabs Tim’s hand and kisses the youngers knuckles, smiling against his skin.

“You’re good for a lot.”

“Yeah, things I shouldn’t be notably good for.” Jason huffs. He lets go of Tim and turns back to the shopping he’d brought home.

“They’re important qualities to me.” Tim teases, leaning back against the counter, kicking his legs back and forth against his stool. Jason shakes his head before he turns to Tim and, without any warning, not even a ‘think fast’, he chucks a box of pasta at Tim. He manages to catch it before it smacks him in the face, but he glares over at Jason accusingly all the same.

“Make yourself useful and put those away.”

“Anything for you, Knight,”

\- - -

Over the next week, Tim only goes back to the manor once. Bruce says nothing about it, and Alfred only says that he hopes he’s being careful, that wherever he’s going is safe. Tim appreciates his concern, but it’s not nearly enough for him to consider returning properly yet. Batman barely asks for Robin to join him, mostly letting him go off on his own. Maybe Bruce has figured something out and isn’t sure how to bring it up or is waiting for Tim to admit to it, but he can’t be sure. Either way, being ignored is more frustrating than Tim thought it would be.

Tonight, he’s actually with Bruce for once. Besides a very quick briefing about a case that Tim has been looking into for weeks now, no other conversation is exchanged. And Tim could have finished Bruce’s sentences if he had wanted to. So, the conversation was meaningless and maybe only there so at least something was said.

The mission is always important, but this one involves drug cartel and potentially sex trafficking as well, so they can’t afford to let anyone get away. And of course, the lack of sleep thanks to Tim’s recurring nightmares that only seem to be getting worse and feeling more real, has him exhausted. He can barely focus; his movements are slow and his hits are sloppy. Bruce would have to be blind not to notice, and he barks out his disappointment the whole time like Tim doesn’t know what he’s doing. It’s annoying, makes Tim hit harder than he needs to when he manages to land proper blows.

No one gets away, but they have a close call. Tim’s able to tackle him before he gets even a block away and slams his head against the curb to knock him out. His jaw aches from gritting his teeth and if this wasn’t so important. He’d have left Bruce to deal with it on his own.

He drags the unconscious goon back to the warehouse they’d stormed and ties him up with a few others against a support beam. Bruce does a quick check to make sure everyone is restrained properly, and Tim fully expects to be told to start hacking into their systems while he looks around for anything else. Instead, Bruce is turning toward him, towering over Tim’s body as he glares down at him. Tim holds back a snarl and crosses his arms over his chest.

“What?”

“Don’t give me that. You were sloppy tonight; you’ve been consistently careless for weeks now and it has to stop.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Tim wants to yell at him, but he doesn’t have the energy. “I’m trying B, but I’m fucking exhausted.”

“Because you haven’t been coming home.”

“No, because I can’t sleep. I keep having these nightmares, I wake up feeling like I can’t breathe, and I can’t close my eyes again because I can still see it.”

The beat of silence that passes between them feels like the world has just crashed and everything has stopped. It’s restricting and feels like it drags on for years.

“What kind of nightmares?”

Tim nearly stumbles over his own tongue. He can’t admit to Bruce what he’s seeing, it will lead to more questions. “Oh, now you care.”

“Don’t-”

“You haven’t cared for the past three, nearly _four_ months that I’ve been sneaking off, that I’ve been having these nightmares and I know you’ve noticed. So, what gives?” Tim, fingers are starting to shake at his sides. He’s hurt, he’s frustrated because he promised Jason that he wouldn’t rat him out and keeping that secret is killing him. Bruce can tell he’s hiding shit, he’s not slick and even if he was Bruce is fucking _Bruce_. But instead of trying to talk about it, he’s just been acting like Tim doesn’t exist.

When Bruce doesn’t answer, doesn’t even flinch, Tim balls his hands into fists and nearly takes a swing at him. It’s so hard not to, so hard to keep himself from punching Bruce square in the chest. “Whatever. If my lack of sleep is that much of a problem, why don’t you do something about it?”

“I will. You’re _grounded_.” Tim rolls his eyes, and he’s not subtle about it. He throws his hands up because that was just like Bruce, to take a problem and instead of work out a way to fix it, he throws it away and hopes it’ll sort itself out.

“ _Fine_. But I’m not going back to the manor.” Tim seethes and he shoves past Bruce and it hurts, ramming his own shoulder into Bruce’s bulk, into the solid material of the Batsuit, but he doesn’t show it.

“Yes, you are,”

“You can’t make me.” Tim doesn’t stop, doesn’t even turn around as he takes his leave. He knows that Bruce won’t follow him.

He only lets himself get as far as two blocks before he checks himself over three times for any bug Bruce might have put on him at some point. But he can’t find a tracker, and he never reconnected his own gauntlet back up. Only then does he take a look back to the warehouse. From here, you’d never guess that Batman and Robin just busted up eighteen guys in there. Tim sighs and moves on again. He could grapple away and get out of there faster, but he wants the time to clear his head.

He only gets a few more blocks, still gritting his teeth and cursing Bruce out in his head when a low, yellow glow that flickers catches his attention. He turns his head, looking across the street. It was rare to see little memorials like this, but sometimes they still showed up, memories of those lost in a crash, a shooting… people they couldn’t save.

His heart feels like it sinks at the sight of a little bear with two candles on either side of it. ‘Love Mom and Dad’ are written on the sides of the candles, wax running down over the lettering. The bear is a faded purple and looks well-loved. Tim turns his head away from it before it can make the clenching of his chest feel any worse. He tries his hardest not to think about it on the way back to Jason’s safehouse.

\- - -

Jason wasn’t home when he got there, and Tim isn’t surprised. He did have ‘work’ to do. Tim lets himself in through the window, knows how to disarm the security and gets the locks picked. He only puts on the night lamp in Jason’s room as he strips out of the Robin suit. He takes a quick shower, tries to scrub the image of the little purple bear from his mind by rubbing the skin on his face raw until his cheeks are red, and his jaw hurts even more.

He’s sat on the end of Jason’s bed; doesn’t actually know how long he’s been there now as he stares at his suit. His fingers curl in the material, tugging slightly at it as he stares at the R on the chest. It almost feels like it glares back at him.

He only snaps out of his state of mind when he hears the click of the lock in the front door. He flinches, lifts his gaze and watches the door open. He relaxes again at the sight of Jason. Not that there’s a chance someone else would be coming in, but he is paranoid. The moment the door is locked again, Jason’s yanking the helm from his head, throwing his head back slightly as he ruffles his fingers through his hair. Tim wets his lips as he sits up straight and drops his suit to the floor again.

Jason trudges through the apartment, his boots sounding heavy against the floor with every step he takes. There’s a minute limp to his gait, maybe Tim wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t paying attention to him. Jason flashes him a smile when he notices him.

“Hey,”

“Hey, you okay?” Tim nods toward Jason’s leg and he scoffs.

“You should see the other guy.” Jason chucks his helmet to the side and it makes a low thumping noise as it lands on a duffle bag. He leans over Tim and presses a chaste kiss to his forehead. “I’m fine, barely hurts, it’s just annoying me.”

Tim hums lowly and leans into Jason’s lips, forehead bumping against his lips again as he closes his eyes. “What about you? Everything okay?”

“I’m grounded because I can’t get sleep.” Tim grumbles and Jason scoffs again.

“And yet you’re here.”

“He didn’t try to stop me.” Tim shrugs. Jason’s hand nudges Tim’s chin softly, his thumb brushing over Tim’s bottom lip. The material of his glove is rough, and yet Tim is used to it.

“Did you have a piece of him?”

“Not really. If I wasn’t so tired, I probably would have snapped.”

Jason’s lip curls up into a sideways smirk. He leans back in and kisses Tim’s temple before he steps away from him. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

“Shut up,”

Jason starts stripping out of the layers of his suit, piece by heavy piece, body armour is shed, and Kevlar is discarded.

“Can I trust you not to blow up the place if you microwave some popcorn?”

“I think I can handle that.”

“Good, get some ready and then pick something to watch for when I’m done with my shower.”

“It’s… nearly three-thirty AM, Jason.” Tim has to check the alarm clock, and God, of course, Jason still has one, that’s so… who he is.

“Your point?” Jason’s eyebrow raises as he starts unlacing his boots.

“And you’re not even going to offer for me to join you?”

“You’ve already showered, I can smell the shampoo on you.”

Tim huffs out a breath and rolls his eyes as he leans forward enough on the end of the bed that he tips off it, catching himself on his toes. “Fine,”

He kicks his suit toward the pile Jason’s own has started to make beside the duffle before he pads out of the room.

“Thanks, babe. You’re the best,” And it doesn’t matter how shitty he feels, Jason can always get a smile from Tim.

\- - -

His lungs hurt from screaming and his body aches from the fight that he isn’t winning. Everything feels so real, there’s no voice in his head telling him that maybe it isn’t. And yet he’s somehow able to realise that this is worse, this is so much worse than all the other times he’s watched this horror unfold in front of him.

And he’s yanked out of it just as fast as he was dragged into it, only this time, it had played on so much longer, he saw so much more and oh God, it makes him feel sick to the stomach.

But he jolts up, gasps and chokes on his breath and his throat still burns and his face is warm and wet from tears and-

The soft glow from the bedside lamp makes him flinch, it looks too much like the low light of a candle and he tries to squeeze his eyes closed to block it out. But behind his eyelids, the sight of his nightmare stares back at him and somehow, the light is better. He sobs, opens his eyes again and is able to focus, realises that he’s not sitting up like he thought he was because Jason’s over him, his arms against Tim’s biceps as he stares down at him with wide eyes, eyes filled with concern, with pain and it takes everything in Tim to be able to take in a breath that doesn’t feel like fire and doesn’t make him feel like he’s going to die.

“It’s okay, I’m right here, I’m here, you’re okay.” It takes a while for Tim to be able to focus in on the sound of Jason’s voice, to be able to understand what he’s repeating like a mantra. Tim exhales, and it’s broken and more of a sob. He runs his hand over his face, fingers shaking as he tries to calm himself down.

Jason slowly sits back, guiding Tim up with him. He holds Tim steady as he settles the younger into his lap. Tim clutches at Jason’s chest, thankful he’s wearing a shirt for him to cling onto. And he tries to hold his breath even though he can’t breathe properly so that he can listen to Jason’s breathing so that he can remind himself that Jason is alive and here and he’s fine.

It takes a while, Jason just keeps whispering soft words to him, his hand rubbing against Tim’s spine and shoulder blades before Tim’s able to calm his breathing and stop the panic from choking him out. He lifts his head slowly from Jason’s neck and meets his gaze. His vision is still a little blurry from the tears and he rubs at his eyes insistently to clear them up.

“Sorry,” Tim mumbles and Jason’s instantly shaking his head and leaning in to press his face into Tim’s hair.

“Don’t be sorry, don’t ever be sorry for having nightmares, Tim.”

“I always wake you up.”

“You were screaming Tim, you were screaming for me.”

Tim sighs, closing his eyes as he deflates into Jason’s arms.

“What do you see?”

“It doesn’t matter,”

“Yes, it does. It fucking matters.” Jason pulls back, holding Tim by the shoulders. His eyes flick over Tim’s face like he’s looking for something. “Whatever this is, it’s getting worse. Talk to me Tim, please.”

Tim lowers his gaze, watches his own fingers fiddle with Jason’s shirt. He leans forward and Jason doesn’t stop him from nuzzling into his chest. Tim tries to even out his breathing again, taking in a slow breath that he holds before he lets it out in a dragged-out exhale.

“For weeks, it’s been the same thing every night. You’re taken… trapped in some personal hell. It’s like a shrine, something set up for the Joker and it’s… I can see it so perfectly in my head.” Tim sighs and tries to tug on Jason’s shirt harder like maybe he’ll be able to pull him closer somehow. “These faceless assholes are torturing you, and I can never get to you. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do it feels like I’m getting further and further away from being able to save you.

“But tonight… last night when I was on my way back here there was this little memorial set up on the street. Some candles and a purple bear… and I hadn’t thought about it, it’s the same purple as his suit and with the candles,” Tim takes in a shaky breath and lifts his head a little and meets Jason’s eyes. He needs to so he’s able to ground himself again, remind himself that Jason’s here and that he’s okay.

“It must have triggered something because I… I couldn’t get to you still, but it dragged on more, it felt more real, everything hurt so much more and they… and you… I finally got to you, I fucking finally had you and you were… they’d,”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Jason cuts him off and he’s glad because he can’t get himself to say it. His throat is too tight, and he can’t breathe properly, feels like he’s choking. “I’m still here, Tim. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

“They won’t stop, I don’t know how to make it stop.” And Tim knows that there’s nothing he can probably do, trauma happened in their lives. He knows that most nights Jason’s haunted by his own nightmares and fears. They’re both suffering through different levels of hell and there’s no way they can help each other outside of being there for comfort when it’s over and done with.

Jason pulls Tim up against him, pulling his legs up so that Tim’s held against him by his thighs too and it’s comforting to have that extra bit of contact. Tim leans his forehead against Jason’s cheek and takes in a slow, steady breath.

“I wanted to ask Bruce, I… I wanted to talk to him about this but then he started acting like I didn’t exist and it… I don’t feel like I can talk to him about anything. And the nightmares, he just would point out I had a restless night and that was it, like he expects these things to haunt me, like it’s fucking normal and I have no idea how to react to that.”

Jason rubs his hands down Tim’s back, trying to soothe him as best he can. Tim clings more desperately to Jason, trying to swallow down more tears that are forming in his eyes.

“I don’t think Bruce would even know what to do if you did ask him. He’s never tried to battle his demons. He just lets them… exist. Like he wouldn’t be complete without them.”

“I guess that’s just… the kind of lives we have, isn’t it?” Tim sighs. Tim hears the click of Jason’s throat when he swallows and feels the small nod, Jason’s thin stubble rubbing against his skin.

“I’m sorry, Tim.”

“It’s not your fault. I just wish I knew where this came from so I could try fixing it.” Tim pulls back and looks at Jason again. He looks so tired and guilt coils in Tim’s gut. But there’s something else in Jason’s eyes and fear grips Tim’s bones as he shakes his head. He shifts his position, straddling Jason’s thighs as he frames Jason’s face between his hands.

“No, don’t say anything like that, I can tell what you’re thinking. If this is because I care about you, because I love you and it scares me to think that I’m going to lose you… if that’s the reason I’m having these nightmares, I don’t care. I’d rather stay with you and go through this than be without you at all.”

Jason’s breath leaves him on a shaky exhale. He doesn’t say anything though, which proves that Tim was right. They just stare at each other for a moment before the tension in Tim’s shoulders seeps away. “I meant it when I said you’re good for me. I need you, Jason. I don’t want to wake up one day knowing that… knowing I don’t have you anymore.”

Jason’s lip twitches, but it doesn’t make it to a full smile. His hand slides up Tim’s body and grips the side of his neck. Tim’s eyes flutter closed, and he leans into Jason. Their lips meet in a slow, soft kiss and its more comfort than anything else ever could be. Because Jason wasn’t going to go anywhere. Tim would bet that even if he tried to put distance between them, that even if Jason himself tried to do it, that Jason’s resolve would break, and he’d come back to him. Tim was all Jason had now, and Tim was starting to think maybe Jason was all he had too.

Tim pushes himself harder against Jason’s body, trying to eliminate all space between them. Jason’s fingers dig into Tim’s hip, holding him firmly in place. And the amount of raw emotion has Tim shivering against Jason’s body. His hands trail over Jason’s body, down his neck and to his chest before sliding back up to his shoulders and repeat, unable to keep still.

Jason pushes into Tim more and shifts their weight, slowly lowering Tim back to the bed. Pressed together, with Tim’s limbs wrapping around Jason’s body to keep him there, Jason pulls back just enough to be able to look at Tim again. And this time, the twitch in his mouth has a small curl of his lip.

“I don’t think I could keep myself away from you.” Jason’s voice is barely above a whisper. Tim’s chest tightens at the confession. “You’ve become the most important thing in my life. Every day I think about how you’re going to be there for me to come home to, someone who understands, who _knows_. You make me feel like there’s purpose again.”

“Jason,” And Tim has no idea what to say to that. Jason just leans in and presses a chaste kiss to his lips again.

“You give me hope.”

Tim closes his eyes and tries not to let himself get caught up in his head and his own emotions. It was one thing to be someone to ground Jason, a safety net for when he needed. But to be someone who held so much importance in his life, to have become that over such a short amount of time. It made it hard not to breakdown.

Jason nudges his nose against Tim’s cheek and the teen forces himself to look up at Jason again, even though his eyes burn, and he can feel the threat of tears simmering in the corners of his eyes. Jason nuzzles against him and it’s… so much more intimate than Jason’s ever let himself be. Sure, they’ve had fleeting moments of softness between each other, moments that from an outside point of view show how much they care about each other. But Jason’s guarded, and Tim doesn’t blame him for that. But right now, he’s letting that rough exterior fall away, even if it’s only for this moment.

He sits back again, his hands trailing down Tim’s body. And the look in his eye has Tim’s heart and lungs feeling like they expand too much in his chest. He swallows and squirms unintentionally under Jason’s gaze. Because it’s heavy and it feels like he’s looking through Tim, into him and picking apart his pieces. And they haven’t really been inmate with each other the same way they had been the day Tim dragged Jason home while he was bleeding out. They’d gotten close, but Jason's own moral compass was constantly getting in the way and Tim wasn’t going to try pushing him and risk him recoiling completely.

“You’re gorgeous,” Jason murmurs. His voice is soft in a way that Tim’s only heard it when he’s half asleep. And it’s easy to forget that at this hour, they _should_ be sleeping.

“So are you,” And Tim knows Jason has to grit his teeth and dig his nails into his palms, so he doesn’t shut down compliments, but he feels like the older is getting better with them. Jason leans over him again, and it feels nice to have his body draped over Tim’s own, like he’s safe no matter what with Jason over him.

“Even if I was, there’s no way I could compare to you.”

Tim tries to hold back his scoff, and its weird hearing Jason sound so honest, letting himself seem almost vulnerable. Tim lifts his hand and cups his cheek, his thumb sliding minutely over the scar on Jason’s cheek.

“You’ve gone soft, Knight.”

“Baby animals tend to bring out that kind of reaction in people.”

“Have you ever seen a baby bird? They’re not exactly the puppy kind of adorable.” Tim raises an eyebrow with a soft chuckle.

“They’re so ugly that they’re cute, it’s their charm.” Jason shrugs and Tim can totally understand where Jason’s coming from.

“Kind of like you.” He teases and Jason’s lips part as a noise of disbelief comes out of his mouth.

“Ouch, say it like you mean it, Drake.”

“I did,” And it gets Jason smiling fully again and that’s all Tim can ask for. Jason leans back into him and captures his lips between his teeth, giving him a light nip before he soothes it with his tongue and kisses Tim properly.

Tim’s arms snake around Jason’s neck and on impulse, his knees press into Jason’s sides like he’s holding him in place. Jason presses harder against Tim’s body, and his kisses heat up, getting rougher as his hand trails down Tim’s body. And the moment his fingers dip under the hem of his shirt, palm resting against the top of Tim’s pants as he strokes lightly at his skin, Tim pulls back.

“Jay-”

“Shh.” Jason cuts off his concern, but he keeps his eyes closed. “You’re… more mature than Dick, and I think we both need this.” And the admission, the idea that Jason was considering giving in has Tim’s chest tightening and his gut twisting.

“People deal with grief in different ways, you can’t fault him for how he is.” Tim manages, even though it’s not the thing he wants to focus on.

“I know, I’m just trying to sway my internal conflict,” Jason admits and Tim swallows and grabs Jason’s face between his hands. It forces Jason to look at him.

“We don’t have to do this, Jason.”

“I’m tired of acting like I don’t want you.” Jason sighs, turning his head to the side a little. “Because I do, I want every part of you.”

Tim wets his lips, and as much as it makes his heart swell, Jason’s words also make his cock give an interested twitch. “…Okay, if you’re sure.”

“More than I have been about anything else.” Jason offers Tim another small smile before he leans back into him.

Tim melts into the kiss and forces his body to relax completely back into the bed. He clings to Jason again, fingers combing lightly through the back of his hair as he lifts his leg to hook around the back of Jason’s thigh. Jason takes it as an excuse to roll his hips down against Tim’s own. Tim’s breath stutters and Jason’s weight, Jason's warmth and his bulk pressing down against his own body is almost perfect.

Jason’s hand curls in the top of Tim’s pants, fingers slipping under the elastic waistband of his underwear and he drags them down. Tim rolls his hips up, his cock falling against the top of his thigh once Jason’s got his clothing down far enough. And it’s almost embarrassing that he’s half-hard, but he tries not to think about it. Jason’s fingers curl around his cock and give him a few slow strokes.

Tim tips his head back, sighing softly, the hint of a moan catching in his throat as he bites into his bottom lip. Jason pecks his lips again before he pushes himself away from Tim’s body. Tim’s hands fall to his own stomach and he opens his eyes, watching as Jason strips off his shirt. And Jason’s not always great about his body, hates the scars that scatter across his skin, hates the reminder down his torso that he should be dead. Tim can’t help but take in the sight, because he doesn’t get to see it often.

But then Jason’s moving more, and Tim’s attention pulls away from his autopsy scar as Jason sheds out of his own pants before he’s stripping Tim of his. He leans over the edge of the bed and gets a bottle of lube from the drawers beside the head of the bed before he’s setting back between Tim’s legs, spreading his thighs. Only then does he pause.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Are you asking me, or yourself?” Tim questions. Jason chews his bottom lip.

“Both,”

“You won’t be the first thing to end up inside me, Jason.” Tim shrugs and Jason’s face falls a little flat like he’s _surprised_. Tim rolls his eyes. “I’ve known that I swing both ways since I was a kid, you don’t think that once I had Bruce’s handouts and a way to get a fake ID that I didn’t take the chance to explore?”

“That’s another story I gotta hear now.” Jason hums as he slicks up his fingers. Tim squirms a little. He’s fingered himself plenty of times by now, has fingered himself to the thought of Jason fingering him and _more_ , but that doesn’t mean he’s not a little nervous.

“It’s at the manor; I should bring it here.”

“Fuck,” Jason groans and Tim doesn’t miss the way his cock twitches. “You really should.”

Tim smirks, but it’s short-lived when Jason’s finger presses against his rim. And this was it, how many wet dreams and daydreams had he had about this very moment? Tim forces himself to keep his eyes on Jason as his finger presses carefully into his body. Tim sighs at the feeling, and Jason’s fingers are thicker, longer than his own and with the angle, able to get to all the places Tim never can.

“You’re not as tight as I thought you’d be,”

“Figured that one out pretty quickly myself,” Tim admits. It was a blessing that he wasn’t tight, it made the constant time crunch that he was under easier to withstand.

In no time, Jason has two fingers inside him, scissoring him open nice and easily with them. The stretch is amazing, his fingers feel even better than Tim could have ever imagined. He manages to keep his gaze on Jason, even as his chest starts to heave with pants from being worked up. And he watches as Jason’s cock grows harder and he almost begs for him to just get on with it.

“You’re beautiful.” He mumbles, without really meaning to. Jason lifts his gaze and the smile on his lips is as shy and self-conscious as Tim expects it to be. “I mean it,”

“I know you do, babe.” Jason pulls his fingers back and wipes the lube off on his thigh.

Tim watches him as he puts on a condom and only then does it really sink in that this is happening, that Jason Todd is going to fuck him, that his first time is going to be with him. Tim’s chest tightens impossibly more, and his thighs start to shake. Jason’s hand against his stomach snaps him out of his state.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, just… I was never sure I’d ever have this.”

And Jason huffs out a chuckle and pushes himself up to lean over Tim’s body. “I promise, you’re not dreaming.”

“Even if I was, I’d be okay with that,” Tim says before he leans up into Jason and kisses him.

Jason returns the kiss, just as soft as he lines himself up, pressing the head of his cock to Tim’s hole. He pulls back just as he pushes forward. Tim’s head tips back again, his breath catching in his throat as Jason eases inside him. And he remembers the first time he fucked himself with his dildo, how much it had hurt at first and he’s so glad that he’s already had that experience, because all that he can feel right now is pleasure.

He clings to Jason again, arms around his shoulders and legs coming around Jason’s waist as the older starts to slowly thrust into him. Jason presses against him further, hips grinding down against Tim’s ass as his fingers twist in the sheets.

“Tim, you feel amazing,”

“Jason,” And it’s the only thought that Tim can voice. That it’s Jason with him, that Jason’s holding him down and moving with him, that this isn’t just sex. This is more, and Tim knows it, can tell in the way Jason’s hips rock with his body rather than moving against it, can tell in the way that Jason’s noises are low and soft, can tell when Jason drops his head forward and kisses his neck softly.

Tim holds onto him and closes his eyes, letting the feeling of Jason all over him, Jason inside him overtake him. Because Jason was here, Jason was alive and as Jason’s mouth moves against his skin, and their bodies move together as one, nothing could ever make Tim regret the day he turned his back to Bruce and forced his way into Jason’s life.

**Author's Note:**

> [Check out my Tumblr](http://bloodthirstymerc.tumblr.com/about_merc) to request your own comm ;)


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